徐燦英
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“本来,人在人群里的时候才会发现只有自己。感受到在这么多人当中,站在我这一边的一个也没有,那时候袭来的孤独更可怕。”(E07里回素琳的疑问)
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表演前一天晚上找时玄,在电脑上看到real crude play 的演奏,他笑了,直到听出他们用的贝斯是韩潔录的样本。(这件事在某个角度上也是蛮甜的。五年了,想和当初一起的朋友一起演奏的心情依旧。但是对徐燦英来说……五年了,身边的伙伴希望他在团队里占的位子是另一个人的,这情形依旧。)
表演那天,在保姆车上,他问时玄,韩潔会不会来。得到答案后他分别看了看时玄他们。
到达演出厅,和Mush&Co短暂会面。
“嗯,没错。Mush&Co是我们一起制作的只属于我们的乐队。”
Mush&Co演唱。他才知道他们准备的歌是韩潔作的曲子。
离开。
打电话给素琳。
Crude Play 上台,韩潔代替演奏贝斯。
素琳找到他。
“韩潔他站到舞台上了吧。”
“需要回到那个舞台上的人不是我,是韩潔。”
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He tried and tried. Five years has passed, and he still can't fit in.
When he realized just how far away he was from the people he had tried to connect with, he turned back and walked away. He planned to give them a chance to get what they want, and made a joke about himself being unpleasent in front of the girl he loved.
Till then, he could still smile and say "fighting" to his three younger friends, because he thought at least he had a place in this band, Mush&Co.
When he heard the song they sang, at first he was angry, untill the boss told him that he even had no right to be angry, because there's no place for him to fight for.
And he ran away.
"You would feel more lonely among the crowed, because that's when you realize that no one is by your side."
He ran from the loneliness.
The music started. Crude Play went on the stage without him just as he planned, but it felt like he had lost everything.
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在剧刚开始那几集,燦英和韩潔录音的时候有说过一句话:姜韩潔不能换掉的贝斯手也就只有徐燦英了。(E03?)
当时觉得突兀,还重复看了两遍。
直到看完12集才回想起来。
虽然徐燦英有Crude Play 贝斯手这个对外的身份,虽然他具备演奏的天赋和技巧,但其实在他心底,自己是不被时玄他们接受的伙伴,是韩潔在这个乐队的贝斯手身份的替代品,五年来一直。
愤怒的背后往往有恐惧。燦英对韩潔容易针锋相对,是因为他看着韩潔的时候,看到的是随时可以取回他乐队里的位置,再赶走自己这个替代品的人。
他自己也没有发现的是,其实比起商业上的名声,他更在乎伙伴对自己的认可,在友谊意义上的“位置”。而正是因为他真性情,他感觉不到自己的归属,感觉不到支持和安全。
所以见到了新人乐队以后,他迫切地想要抓住这个机会,从第一步开始参与一个乐队的成长。
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